ObsessionYou are my obsession.Source of my depression.One that I crave.Love that is depraved.I still hold on to.I would die for you.Even if you're not here.My mind just won't clear.Only one I want.Continually haunt.Mentally I attack.I'd still take you back.Glad you disappeared.Return I feared.Walk through my door.Want you even more.Wonder if I'll heal.Was this even real?
PillsDon't only the crazies need to take pills?The though of going gives me chills.On medication, how will I be?Will I really feel like I am me?Zombie is the way people often describe.Of course it depends the pill they prescribe.Let's play with my head like it's a game.I know that things won't feel the same.Depression is something I want somehow.I want to be exactly as I am now.I can't remember a time ever being without.But my head shouldn't be filled with doubt.I know that depression can really kill.I've felt what it does, but somehow still...Depression has become my abusive partner.No matter how much it hurts, I only want her.But I know that it causes too much pain.And my energy all seems to drain.So maybe medication is what I must do.Hope is all I have to hold on to.
force a smile: half dead.dear you,to you, i will send my heart.it will come in a small brown package,with: careful, fr a g ile stamped on the front.you must promise to do as the package says..dear you,i wrote songs for you.i wrote songs for you and memorised them.i sang them to the sky.did you hear me? did you hear me?.dear you,every night i drew a little hearton a colourful sticky note.i put them, one a night, on the mirror in my roomas a reminder that i was loved.four hundred and seventy nine ruined sticky-notes later;the message still hadn't gotten through..dear you,every night i brush my teeth.one, because the dentist told me too.two, because i like the taste of toothpaste.every night i brush my teeth until my gums bleed.one, because sometimes it just happens.two, because i like the look of crimson on my off-white teeth..dear you,i like to look at my baby photo's.i like to look at myself as a kid, smiling.i like to wonder what the fuck happened..dear you,i do
TonightTonight I tried to tear my skinStraight from my bonesBut all that was under my fingernailsWere pieces of peeled paintTonight I tried to open my chestTo release the thing that lives inside meBut my skin is made of steelAnd my fingers bledTonight my phone is silentAnd a woman on the other lineTells meThat you are unavailable orcannot be reachedI understand, I sayIt's how it's always beenTonight the sky is explodingAnd the walls are caving inBut I am scared to go outsideI am scared to moveTonight I am aloneWearing a robe, a bandageDrinking a sad cocktailAnd hating my loveTonight I tried to run awayBut my feet are now rawAnd I fellTonightI'm giving up
We weren't stolen or lost...Who will standFor the girls with broken heartsAnd too much make-up and too-short skirtWho cry for something betterThan petty drunk - 'it was just one night' - loveWho will screamFor the whisky breath boysWho broke hearts to hideHow scared they really areThat you'll find out who they really areWho will fightFor the skinny girls obsessed with numbersNever quite low enoughAnd they want shoulder blades and pelvic bonesAnd beauty and disgustWho will speakFor the kids who stay silentAnd hide bruises under pretty clothesWith smiles that break your heartWhen you look into their eyesWho will reachFor tobacco-breath girlsWith combat boots and a fuck off glareTo hide nightmares from the pastBecause no one will get close againWho will smileAt the ones with tear stained cheeksAnd long sleeeves all year 'roundWho are told it's 'just a phase'When they know that they are dieingAnd destruction will be cause of death
Not The Girl You Think I AmI'm not the girl you think I amI promise I never will beI'm not what you expect and knowJust open your eyes and seeI'm not as simple and innocentAs you all want to thinkI'm not so cute and I'm not sweetSo take another drinkBecause when you see the real meYou'll wish you never knewThat one day I'm going to hurt youOne day I'll fall throughSo you want to know the truth?To pull away the covers?Well the girl I really am you knowHas a heart a different colourI could tell you just who I amAnd who I want to bebut who I'm not is more importantSo tell me what you seeYou see the girl you think I amBut I've been fooling youI'll push you hard and knock you downAnd maybe tell you the truthYou think you understand meThe reason why my heart beatsBut you didn't see me run awayDown jagged city streetsI'm brave and strong and wonderfulThat's what you seem to knowBut I'm cracked and I'm a cowardAnd the courage is all a showPlastic smiles have stolen momentsWhen you could
Psychotic DepressionAccording to my doctor's session,I have psychotic depression.I looked it up online.I'm worried by my find.It's worded different ways,But serious it always says.The diagnosis goes to few.The description seems to be true.Aware the voices aren't real.Ashamed of how I feel.Hid the voice for many years.Being found, greatest of my fears.This means a change in pill.Make me no longer ill.
ListenThey all said "I want to save you"And they swore "We want to be there for you"Then they told her that she pushed them awayThat they couldn't help if they didn't knowIf they didn't understandAnd she said,"I never wanted you to understand.I only needed you to listen"